Am I dumb? Did I make the right decision? You would think by now I would have realized that the man I'm so deeply in love with isn't shit. I used to make fun of girls in my position, and now I've become everything I hate. I never understood it, if he's constantly cheating and lying why are you staying? That makes no fucking sense! It might sound cliche but its love. Thats the only possible thing it can be, that and I've already invested more than 2 years of my life in this. Time is something you can never get back and my only fear is this happens again meaning I would be wasting 3 or 4 years instead of 2. But what if he realizes that, what if he realizes if this ever happens again I won't be there. He has shown a major change but he also did that last time. I have no trust in him whatsoever. But can you blame me? I would be even more of a dumb ass if I did. Hopefully he has changed because idk if I can go through this again. One day he's gonna make a great husband and be very successful in life, I just don't know if I can really sit here and wait for it to happen. I don't even know if I can truly be happy with him again. I'm always going to think are they really just friends? Is he really where he said he was? He's turned me into something I hate. I was never the girl to be constantly worried or love struck by some guy. I was never the girl to be constantly checking his phone to see if found anything, but now thats my life. I f things were so great and he was cheating and lying to my face why trust him now? If when I found out you were still being nonchalant, which shows me you don't care. He only cared when I was done, truly done. Which made me more upset! Now that I'm not speaking to you etc you want to blow my phone up you want to do all this Bullshit that you should have been doing in the first place? It doesn't work like that but once again I came back. I never truly understood that Selena Gomez song The Hearts Wants What It Wants until now. He's my drug, no matter what I do or how hard I try, I truly don't want to leave. Should I leave? Probably. Am I going to? Nah. The only way I will be truly done is if this happens again, because for some reason I'm not at my breaking point yet. BUT I'm very close, so lets hope he has his shit together.